Last night, I dreamt about Michelle's house and my life in that world:
I am a city girl. I always have been, and I always will be. I was born and bread in noise, and I will always need it to survive. That's why I live in the city.
I've gotten a vacation. A man, who vaguely looks like Mr. Bower (my sixth grade history teacher), finally gave me a long weekend to go and get out. I'm a cop. The uniform I'm in proves this. My last case must have been tough, because all I can think of is the cool breeze, the salty air, and sitting by the fireplace and talking to my bestfriend Michelle while petting the dog.
My appartment is small. Living by myself, I don't need anything big, and my work keeps me busy. All my things are at Michelle's which is where I consider home base. That's my home. The place where I feel welcome and recharged. My parents are in another country, and my brother, Jan, lives in a large house elsewhere.
Walking into my appartment, one notices the cultural aspects of it. I must have recently moved here, because there are still boxes all over the place. However knowing me, that's because I don't have the time or patience to unpack.
(I'll explain more about what my appartment looks like in another entry)
After having my dinner I get back into my car (uniform and all) and I start the long drive to the seaside. My taste in music hasn't changed. I can hear "Carrie-Ann" and "My kind of town Chicago is..." Playing on the Oldies radio station I have on.
The drive takes what seems like forever, but finally I reach the village where the majority of my friends live. I immediately drive to the pub, where I'm greeted by Caldon and Alecia (Who have married? :-/ ) and run it. Apparently my usual is a draft beer, but I go for something a little stronger. What I don't know, but it comes in a tall glass, and it's a double something.
After talking with Caldohn and Alecia for a little while Ashleigh comes in, Ida's right behind her. They're talking about the latest soap I think, and Ash and I chat for a few moments. Then realising the time I decide I should probably go. I'm really tired and a good home cooked dinner by Michelle and a warm bed sounds perfect.
Then Alecia tells me that Michelle's called and asked if I could bring some things with me. I take the shopping list and head to the various spots:
1. The supermarket, where I run into Christine. We talk in Dutch about how things have changed in town. And along the way we run into Fahina who's looking at condoms? I don't really remember. After buying the things on the list I run over to the next stop.
2. The library. Michelle's writing a book. It must have something to do with her travels over the years, because before I know it, I'm talking to Heather (who's the librarian) and checking out a book called "Moscow, Russia, and Eastern Europe." I have one more stop left.
3. The town hall. I leave a message for Deb saying that I'm in town for the weekend and would love to see her and her family sometime. Her secretary who oddly enough is Daniel smiles and places the letter in her inbox. The guy's so scared of me. I think it might be the uniform. Atleast he isn't running after me in my dream!!!!
I get into the car and drive the last few miles to Michelle's place. Chris's car is in the driveway, so I take it that he's having dinner with us. Nothing unnatural. I walk in (the door's never locked) and go to the kitchen to put away the food.
(If you want to know what the house looks like got to Michelle's diary aka missy_angel_eyes)
Then I find her and chris in the living room drinking what looks like wine. I hug them both and then excuse myself to go shower and change. (Why the hell I didn't shower and change in my own apartment I don't know?!)
I feel at peace when I'm in bed later that night, and it's with that peaceful feeling that I wake up.
Quotation:
Bud talking to Harriet on the phone:
Bud: "Harriet, with your parents? no, no, no I am working with Commander Rabb and
Major McKenzie, they need me, yes its true.... no I am not, Excuse me Major but
Harriet would like to speak with you."
Mac: "Harriet ? We are in the middle of an investigation... but I'm sure we could spare
Bud for half a day. You're welcome, Harriet. Bye."
Bud: "Major, did you just sell me out ?"
Mac: "I'm giving you the day off, Bud."
Tuesday, April 30, 2002
Monday, April 29, 2002
hmmmm....
pensive....
What do I think of when I think?
Exams? no. I can't really be bothered at this point.
Parents? Maybe a little... I'm scared I'll dissapoint them.
Friends? Most definately. You guys take a lot of thinking power.
X-files? Do I need to tell you?
JAG? of coarse... Did you know my Danish channel isn't working, so I couldn't watch it yesterday. i pouted! and then went to work on my newest JAG fanfiction ;) In this one Mac's being stalked and Webb helps her out. major Angst.
Brother? No. I've given up on him
My ex? A little. I'm worried about seeing him. I wrote him a long letter telling him why I don't want anything with him and blocked him... I hope it doesn't backfire on me.
Magic? Yeah... I'm wondering how to beat Chris again.
Ash? Yeah... I'm devising a plan right now ;p
life? Just moving how it takes me. Not really thinking, just reacting.
What do I think of when I think?
Exams? no. I can't really be bothered at this point.
Parents? Maybe a little... I'm scared I'll dissapoint them.
Friends? Most definately. You guys take a lot of thinking power.
X-files? Do I need to tell you?
JAG? of coarse... Did you know my Danish channel isn't working, so I couldn't watch it yesterday. i pouted! and then went to work on my newest JAG fanfiction ;) In this one Mac's being stalked and Webb helps her out. major Angst.
Brother? No. I've given up on him
My ex? A little. I'm worried about seeing him. I wrote him a long letter telling him why I don't want anything with him and blocked him... I hope it doesn't backfire on me.
Magic? Yeah... I'm wondering how to beat Chris again.
Ash? Yeah... I'm devising a plan right now ;p
life? Just moving how it takes me. Not really thinking, just reacting.
Saturday, April 27, 2002
My Room in Michelle's House
hmmmm... I've been thinking of what my room whould look like. It would have to be a room I could feel some sort of connection to. So here's what it'll look like:
The outside of the door has a simple sign on it saying: "Mosquito's" neatly on a plack. Then when you open the door, the first thing that strikes you is that there is a large oak bed... queen size... with red and black pillows, and a black silk comforter on top. on both sides of the bed are oak side tables. One with 3 framed pictures: One of my family, one of my 11th grade friends, and one of my friends in Chicago, and on the other I have my gun, my wallet, my watch and my alarm clock, not to mention my autographed pictures of Tom Graidwood and Mitch Pileggi (both X-files actors).
Now, we're gonna move clockwize...
to the right of this is one of my two closets... This one has all my dresses and suits hanging. It's also made of oak... all the furnature is, and on it I have pictures of David Ducovney and Gillian Anderson nailed (aka Mulder and Scully). That's when we hit the second wall...
On this wall we find that there are 3 windows... looking out you can see the garden. I have my desk here, so that I can look out and work at the same time. I love to see the dog playing and trying to catch the butterfies that are there... I'm gonna try and get Michelle to plant some daisies and red roses right infront of my window. There's nothing else here on this wall. But on my desk I have a couple books, and 'the hand'. The hand was given to me by Nara, and it has flesh missing on the pinky of it. It's my prized sculpture. Also my very essence is located here: My computer.
If you turn to face the wall again, you'll see that thee wall is lined in book cases. To the left of the door is my book collection. (The door is located in the center of the wall) My personal collection is vast, extending from classics to mystery, to hisoty, to science fiction. Also there are about 60 binders on the bottom two shelves. The first set is JAG stories that I and others have written, and the second one is X-files stories that I and others have written. Next you have the door, on which is an almost life size picture of David James Elliot (sigh). Otherwise known as Harm! Then to the right of the door is another book cupboard. In it is my CD and Video collection. THe CDs are in the top 4 shelves and all the rest are filled with my videos which are alphabetized. The CD by group or singer and the videos, by title, with excpetion for X-files which is located once again on the bottom shelf and they're in order by episode.
This brings us to the last wall. There's a large light here which gives added light to the room. THen there is a small two seated sofa. To the right of the sofa, and cconnecting to the wall which has my bed on it, we have a large dressoir which has all my folded clothing and undergarments in it. On top is my TV, VCR and stereo.
Everywhere I have little bits and bobs... like matroshkas, lacquer boxes, fans, porcelain Dolls, and X-files and JAG pictures all over the place.
That's it.
TO me my life if I were living with Michelle, would be one still of somewhat isolation. SHe does her own thing and I do mine. Our paths crossing when we eat and when we are looking for company. Otherwise, I don't believe that it is a place I usually stay at... Wanting t be a cop, I'd live in a big City. Michelle's house is a place to get away from it all and recharge my batteries.
Well, babe, what do you think? If you don't like it I'll change it, but that's how I envision my room in your place.
The outside of the door has a simple sign on it saying: "Mosquito's" neatly on a plack. Then when you open the door, the first thing that strikes you is that there is a large oak bed... queen size... with red and black pillows, and a black silk comforter on top. on both sides of the bed are oak side tables. One with 3 framed pictures: One of my family, one of my 11th grade friends, and one of my friends in Chicago, and on the other I have my gun, my wallet, my watch and my alarm clock, not to mention my autographed pictures of Tom Graidwood and Mitch Pileggi (both X-files actors).
Now, we're gonna move clockwize...
to the right of this is one of my two closets... This one has all my dresses and suits hanging. It's also made of oak... all the furnature is, and on it I have pictures of David Ducovney and Gillian Anderson nailed (aka Mulder and Scully). That's when we hit the second wall...
On this wall we find that there are 3 windows... looking out you can see the garden. I have my desk here, so that I can look out and work at the same time. I love to see the dog playing and trying to catch the butterfies that are there... I'm gonna try and get Michelle to plant some daisies and red roses right infront of my window. There's nothing else here on this wall. But on my desk I have a couple books, and 'the hand'. The hand was given to me by Nara, and it has flesh missing on the pinky of it. It's my prized sculpture. Also my very essence is located here: My computer.
If you turn to face the wall again, you'll see that thee wall is lined in book cases. To the left of the door is my book collection. (The door is located in the center of the wall) My personal collection is vast, extending from classics to mystery, to hisoty, to science fiction. Also there are about 60 binders on the bottom two shelves. The first set is JAG stories that I and others have written, and the second one is X-files stories that I and others have written. Next you have the door, on which is an almost life size picture of David James Elliot (sigh). Otherwise known as Harm! Then to the right of the door is another book cupboard. In it is my CD and Video collection. THe CDs are in the top 4 shelves and all the rest are filled with my videos which are alphabetized. The CD by group or singer and the videos, by title, with excpetion for X-files which is located once again on the bottom shelf and they're in order by episode.
This brings us to the last wall. There's a large light here which gives added light to the room. THen there is a small two seated sofa. To the right of the sofa, and cconnecting to the wall which has my bed on it, we have a large dressoir which has all my folded clothing and undergarments in it. On top is my TV, VCR and stereo.
Everywhere I have little bits and bobs... like matroshkas, lacquer boxes, fans, porcelain Dolls, and X-files and JAG pictures all over the place.
That's it.
TO me my life if I were living with Michelle, would be one still of somewhat isolation. SHe does her own thing and I do mine. Our paths crossing when we eat and when we are looking for company. Otherwise, I don't believe that it is a place I usually stay at... Wanting t be a cop, I'd live in a big City. Michelle's house is a place to get away from it all and recharge my batteries.
Well, babe, what do you think? If you don't like it I'll change it, but that's how I envision my room in your place.
Friday, April 26, 2002
At School
Well, I've finished all the scanning for the literary magazine. I've started a new story- non x-files and Jag- and I've got a whopping 3 sentances:
Anna moved slowly: her feet gliding as she crept infront of the door. Dante was right behind her, his had firmly gripping [And this is where Michelle and Deborah's imagination went wild ;)] the gun. She felt strengthened by his presence.
Well, that's all there is for now... We'll see how it goes. As I have written above, I am at school... Why, I've opted to stay here all day I'll never know.
I finished reading Michelle's story yesterday, which was amazing. I really like the character's she's formed and the types of relationships she's created. There are so many Ideas that I could load onto your story, but I won't. It's your work.... But let me know when you're stuck again and I'll spit some out at you again. ;p
Hmm... What else is there to say? Oh, Brooke and I practiced this morning to sing at Graduation. For all those that don't know, We're singing 'There you'll be' by faith Hill. It's coming along very nicely. I got Mrs. Wolfsberger to come and listen to us, and she almost cried. I'm really glad I put my jelously aside and really got working with Brooke, because we sound awesome together. There is still a little fine tuning to be done, but it sounds amazing. Monday is our next rehersal.
As you have probably noticed there are 36 entries now, not including this one. The last 26 are a x-files story. Can you believe that there's a word limit on these entries... apparently somewhere between 6000 and 6500 characters. It's nuts... so I had to cut and paste a lot.. I hope that there is nothing missing.
well... that's it. I'm just waiting for you all to get out of math Class... I'm sooooooooooooooooo bored. It's driving me nuts. Karen and I have been talking, she's sitting right behind me. We've both done next to no work on studing... hehehehehehhe... I just find these exams so funny... funny in the sence that my whole life depends on them and I really don't give a &%$!@*$!.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now I feel better.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went down a mental slide there... hehehehehe... well, that's all for now,
Quotation:
LANGLY: So, check it out, Mulder, today I had breakfast with the guy who shot John F. Kennedy.
MULDER: Is that so?
LANGLY: Old dude now, but yeah. Says he was dressed as a cop on the grassy knoll.
BYERS: And, Mulder, listen to this. Vladmir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats? He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century.
MULDER: Barney?
BYERS: The C.I.A.
From E.b.E.
Anna moved slowly: her feet gliding as she crept infront of the door. Dante was right behind her, his had firmly gripping [And this is where Michelle and Deborah's imagination went wild ;)] the gun. She felt strengthened by his presence.
Well, that's all there is for now... We'll see how it goes. As I have written above, I am at school... Why, I've opted to stay here all day I'll never know.
I finished reading Michelle's story yesterday, which was amazing. I really like the character's she's formed and the types of relationships she's created. There are so many Ideas that I could load onto your story, but I won't. It's your work.... But let me know when you're stuck again and I'll spit some out at you again. ;p
Hmm... What else is there to say? Oh, Brooke and I practiced this morning to sing at Graduation. For all those that don't know, We're singing 'There you'll be' by faith Hill. It's coming along very nicely. I got Mrs. Wolfsberger to come and listen to us, and she almost cried. I'm really glad I put my jelously aside and really got working with Brooke, because we sound awesome together. There is still a little fine tuning to be done, but it sounds amazing. Monday is our next rehersal.
As you have probably noticed there are 36 entries now, not including this one. The last 26 are a x-files story. Can you believe that there's a word limit on these entries... apparently somewhere between 6000 and 6500 characters. It's nuts... so I had to cut and paste a lot.. I hope that there is nothing missing.
well... that's it. I'm just waiting for you all to get out of math Class... I'm sooooooooooooooooo bored. It's driving me nuts. Karen and I have been talking, she's sitting right behind me. We've both done next to no work on studing... hehehehehehhe... I just find these exams so funny... funny in the sence that my whole life depends on them and I really don't give a &%$!@*$!.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now I feel better.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went down a mental slide there... hehehehehe... well, that's all for now,
Quotation:
LANGLY: So, check it out, Mulder, today I had breakfast with the guy who shot John F. Kennedy.
MULDER: Is that so?
LANGLY: Old dude now, but yeah. Says he was dressed as a cop on the grassy knoll.
BYERS: And, Mulder, listen to this. Vladmir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats? He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century.
MULDER: Barney?
BYERS: The C.I.A.
From E.b.E.
Thursday, April 25, 2002
wow... it's almost over
I guess it's just hitting me today.... No more school. Well, no more classes. One more week and exams begin. in about a months time I'll have graduated. Then another week and I'll be in KL. Then another two weeks, and I'll be back, packing my room up and getting out of here. To tell you the truth it scares the shits out of me! I don't know anything else but school. How am I going to be able to function in adifferent medium? But more importantly, can I? Like I said, it scares me.
As for what I've done so far today... Well, it's 13:11. which means that everyone's probably getting ready for lunch. I've done a little chemistry, and I've worked on some of my fanfiction. One of my stories is coming along nicely, and I'll be ready to post it in a matter of days. Further, I did some more reading into Musolini. Checked my e-mail, sent a quick message to Vaughn, and I've seen The One... good movie by the way.... the action is amazing!
I still have to read Michelle's novel, then I want to do some work on french and biology, and I'll probably play the piano and work on some more fanfic writing. I'm completely lost on my x-files idea, but, as I mentioned earlier, my JAG story is coming a long nicely. Also I have my Sherlock Holmes and Mary Russell novel to work on, so that should keep me busy.
My dad left for Amsterdam this morning. He's got a speech to give tomorrow on culture in Russia, from what I hear, it's not what he really wants to do, and no one's really given any notion that they're intrested in hearing him speak, so he's kinda dissapointed by that.
Our Cook Tanya is coming in today to cook us dinner (Us being Jan and me) She feels bad that there aren't any adults around. My mom comes home tonight, along with my grandma, Aunt, and great aunt... they were in St. Petersburg for 3 days. The appartment's been kinda quiet without them.
The appartment's lonely, and I'm actually wishing I were at school with all you guys. Pathetic huh? Well, gotta run, more work and studing to do.
see ya tomorrow.
Quotation:
Mulder: hey, Scully, do you believe in the after-life?
Scully: I'd settle for a life in this one.
;) Iknow what she means!
As for what I've done so far today... Well, it's 13:11. which means that everyone's probably getting ready for lunch. I've done a little chemistry, and I've worked on some of my fanfiction. One of my stories is coming along nicely, and I'll be ready to post it in a matter of days. Further, I did some more reading into Musolini. Checked my e-mail, sent a quick message to Vaughn, and I've seen The One... good movie by the way.... the action is amazing!
I still have to read Michelle's novel, then I want to do some work on french and biology, and I'll probably play the piano and work on some more fanfic writing. I'm completely lost on my x-files idea, but, as I mentioned earlier, my JAG story is coming a long nicely. Also I have my Sherlock Holmes and Mary Russell novel to work on, so that should keep me busy.
My dad left for Amsterdam this morning. He's got a speech to give tomorrow on culture in Russia, from what I hear, it's not what he really wants to do, and no one's really given any notion that they're intrested in hearing him speak, so he's kinda dissapointed by that.
Our Cook Tanya is coming in today to cook us dinner (Us being Jan and me) She feels bad that there aren't any adults around. My mom comes home tonight, along with my grandma, Aunt, and great aunt... they were in St. Petersburg for 3 days. The appartment's been kinda quiet without them.
The appartment's lonely, and I'm actually wishing I were at school with all you guys. Pathetic huh? Well, gotta run, more work and studing to do.
see ya tomorrow.
Quotation:
Mulder: hey, Scully, do you believe in the after-life?
Scully: I'd settle for a life in this one.
;) Iknow what she means!
Monday, April 22, 2002
One Day Left
Can we say extatic?! I had my last chem class, my last math class, and my last bio class today!
Guess what, there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Michelle, I'm addicted to the car racing game! Brroooom brooom, Screeeeetttcchh ;)
Heather, We read tomorrow? :( pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee :D
"Fank ooh berry mush" Said the fox. hehehehe!
zat's it! Just wanted to make sure everyone knew I only have 1 day left ! ;D
Quote:
I couldn't choose, so today there are two:
Mac: "If you have some evidence I should know about..." Harm: "You'll eventually get it, and then you can plea bargain."
Mac: "In your dreams Cmdr"
Harm: "Ohh, you don't want to be in my dreams, Major?" Mac: "Red light Commander!"
Harm: "Red light? There was nothing sexual in what I said, and if you think there was, then maybe I should be giving you the red light"
And then:
Harm "Where were you raised?"
Mac "Where friends don't sandbag friends."
Harm "Thats somewhere in Ohio, isn't it?" Mac "Haha. cute does not work with me Harm"
Harm "I wasn't being cute. I was being funny"
Mac "Yeah, like when you fired that HNK in court?"
Harm "Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table"
Mac "I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck"
Harm "Well, what do Marines do?"
Mac "They take cover, but they never duck"
They're both from the episode Heroes
adios for now
Guess what, there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Michelle, I'm addicted to the car racing game! Brroooom brooom, Screeeeetttcchh ;)
Heather, We read tomorrow? :( pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee :D
"Fank ooh berry mush" Said the fox. hehehehe!
zat's it! Just wanted to make sure everyone knew I only have 1 day left ! ;D
Quote:
I couldn't choose, so today there are two:
Mac: "If you have some evidence I should know about..." Harm: "You'll eventually get it, and then you can plea bargain."
Mac: "In your dreams Cmdr"
Harm: "Ohh, you don't want to be in my dreams, Major?" Mac: "Red light Commander!"
Harm: "Red light? There was nothing sexual in what I said, and if you think there was, then maybe I should be giving you the red light"
And then:
Harm "Where were you raised?"
Mac "Where friends don't sandbag friends."
Harm "Thats somewhere in Ohio, isn't it?" Mac "Haha. cute does not work with me Harm"
Harm "I wasn't being cute. I was being funny"
Mac "Yeah, like when you fired that HNK in court?"
Harm "Well, I thought it was pretty funny when you ducked under the table"
Mac "I'm a Marine, Harm. Marines don't duck"
Harm "Well, what do Marines do?"
Mac "They take cover, but they never duck"
They're both from the episode Heroes
adios for now
Vaughn
I guess I'll talk about Vaughn today...
He's this guy I met on-line about a week ago. No... I'm not looking into him... He's just great to talk to. Someone different. He's a cop down in Luisiana (I can't spell it). But he's ex-navy, semi trained marine. He's great to talk to, I can tell him about anything, family problems, guys, school... and he tells me all his war hero stuff and the cases he's been working on. It's really cool. We have a lot of laughs.
He's like heather's "Big brothers" i guess... gotta run... exams await
quote:
MULDER: I need you on this, Scully.
SCULLY: You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back. I gotta go.
MULDER: You wanna tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear conscience, you can, but you're wrong!
SCULLY: Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down.
MULDER: But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can... and if I quit now, they win.
That's it for today,
Toodles
He's this guy I met on-line about a week ago. No... I'm not looking into him... He's just great to talk to. Someone different. He's a cop down in Luisiana (I can't spell it). But he's ex-navy, semi trained marine. He's great to talk to, I can tell him about anything, family problems, guys, school... and he tells me all his war hero stuff and the cases he's been working on. It's really cool. We have a lot of laughs.
He's like heather's "Big brothers" i guess... gotta run... exams await
quote:
MULDER: I need you on this, Scully.
SCULLY: You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back. I gotta go.
MULDER: You wanna tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear conscience, you can, but you're wrong!
SCULLY: Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down.
MULDER: But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can... and if I quit now, they win.
That's it for today,
Toodles
Tuesday, April 16, 2002
A Great 48 Hours
As everyone knows... a April break vacation for a senior + doing the IB = Studing for final exams. Yes, it's been a boring few days with an exception for the last 48 hours. Here's the aproximate itinerary:
8.30 Got up. I guess I'm still in a school mood because I got up so early.
9.30 worked on history. You should see this huge timeline I have set up in my room.
11.00 finallyafter trying to get Chris on the phone for who knows how long I found him on-line. TOpic of conversaition: wouldn't he look cute (and funny) in a bunny suit. Now I don't mean a playboy bunny outfit, but more along the lines of a large fluffy pink Easter bunny suit. Wouldn't it look great?
11.30 Biology ERG.
2.45 Chis comes over. He's playing body-guard for the Day. With all the Skinhead activity lately my parents wanted a guy with me... but he draws more attention to me, than away from me... good grief! ;p
3.10 We leave to go and meet Deb and Liz at Stockman
3.30 find Deb and Liz and wait for Heather.
3.50 with heather and Deb in Tow we go and eat.
5.10 Dad calls... I haven't made dinner for him yet, and It's a wild dash to my place. My dad's not happy.
5.20 we're here and my brother's on the phone... yippee... I miss him!
5.30 finally off the phon with Jan, Chris Heather and I go up to my room in an effort to play a game of Magic. Now, I play tournament rules, and haven't played in a while, but we soon find common ground. Heather's still trying to understand what the hell's going on. I hope she understands now.
6.10 After 2 games... Chirs one the first, I the second... we decide to do something else... watch X-files naturally. ;) First we watch Firewalker and then Aubrey. Damn Aubry is good... quite Scary. The three of us rate it as a great episode.
Apporx. 8.00 Chris leaves.
8.05 Heather and I decide to make some desert, and take forever at finding a recepie for which we have all the ingredience.
10.00 we call Deb. Neither of us know what a certain dish looked like... so we called Deb. In the end my dad handed us a dish and told us to use that.
11.30 We've finally got the thing in the oven. WE've put the topping in the fridge and cleaned the kitchen. On to my third obsession. The computer.
12.45 Dad goes to bed and HEather's reading my JAG fanfic... you never told me what you thought of it Heather.
13.00 We had our desert and went to get ready for bed. I worked on my story some and Heather played a little gameboy.
14.00 Heather's fast asleep and I fall asleep soon after.
Today.
11.30 we're both awake and crawling out of bed
11.45 Chris calls. Wants to know if I can come over to play D&D and Magic. I decide not to.
12.30 HEather helps me with some history. I have to do some work today!
1.00 I find a pack of cards and we tell eachother's love lives. It was really funny! Especially because of the guys we picked!
2.30 HUNGRY! TIme for lunch so we head downstairs, and while the Pizza's in the oven we make salad dressing for my dad and me tonight.
3.15 We decide to watch Sleeping Beauty I LOVE THAT MOVIE!
4.40 Heather leaves I finish watching the making of sleeping beauty.
5.10 Made the rest of the salad and stuck it in the fridge.
5.30 went on-line for some work
6.45 Dad comes home, and we decide to wait till after my chemistry lesson to have dinner.
7.00 Chemisty lesson. FUN. :(
8.20 Chemistry teacher leaves and we set the dinner table, we sit down to eat and... Mom calls
9.00 We finally get to eat.. the food's cold but we manage.
9.45 after a comfortable dinner I clean the kitchen and play a little piano....
Which lands is a 10.28 and I',m finishing my entry.
Quotation for the day:
They hear a noise:
Webb: What was that?
Harm: A pigeon.
Webb: A pigeon?
Harm: It's mating season. And sex is a full contact sport when you're a pigeon.
-JAG
8.30 Got up. I guess I'm still in a school mood because I got up so early.
9.30 worked on history. You should see this huge timeline I have set up in my room.
11.00 finallyafter trying to get Chris on the phone for who knows how long I found him on-line. TOpic of conversaition: wouldn't he look cute (and funny) in a bunny suit. Now I don't mean a playboy bunny outfit, but more along the lines of a large fluffy pink Easter bunny suit. Wouldn't it look great?
11.30 Biology ERG.
2.45 Chis comes over. He's playing body-guard for the Day. With all the Skinhead activity lately my parents wanted a guy with me... but he draws more attention to me, than away from me... good grief! ;p
3.10 We leave to go and meet Deb and Liz at Stockman
3.30 find Deb and Liz and wait for Heather.
3.50 with heather and Deb in Tow we go and eat.
5.10 Dad calls... I haven't made dinner for him yet, and It's a wild dash to my place. My dad's not happy.
5.20 we're here and my brother's on the phone... yippee... I miss him!
5.30 finally off the phon with Jan, Chris Heather and I go up to my room in an effort to play a game of Magic. Now, I play tournament rules, and haven't played in a while, but we soon find common ground. Heather's still trying to understand what the hell's going on. I hope she understands now.
6.10 After 2 games... Chirs one the first, I the second... we decide to do something else... watch X-files naturally. ;) First we watch Firewalker and then Aubrey. Damn Aubry is good... quite Scary. The three of us rate it as a great episode.
Apporx. 8.00 Chris leaves.
8.05 Heather and I decide to make some desert, and take forever at finding a recepie for which we have all the ingredience.
10.00 we call Deb. Neither of us know what a certain dish looked like... so we called Deb. In the end my dad handed us a dish and told us to use that.
11.30 We've finally got the thing in the oven. WE've put the topping in the fridge and cleaned the kitchen. On to my third obsession. The computer.
12.45 Dad goes to bed and HEather's reading my JAG fanfic... you never told me what you thought of it Heather.
13.00 We had our desert and went to get ready for bed. I worked on my story some and Heather played a little gameboy.
14.00 Heather's fast asleep and I fall asleep soon after.
Today.
11.30 we're both awake and crawling out of bed
11.45 Chris calls. Wants to know if I can come over to play D&D and Magic. I decide not to.
12.30 HEather helps me with some history. I have to do some work today!
1.00 I find a pack of cards and we tell eachother's love lives. It was really funny! Especially because of the guys we picked!
2.30 HUNGRY! TIme for lunch so we head downstairs, and while the Pizza's in the oven we make salad dressing for my dad and me tonight.
3.15 We decide to watch Sleeping Beauty I LOVE THAT MOVIE!
4.40 Heather leaves I finish watching the making of sleeping beauty.
5.10 Made the rest of the salad and stuck it in the fridge.
5.30 went on-line for some work
6.45 Dad comes home, and we decide to wait till after my chemistry lesson to have dinner.
7.00 Chemisty lesson. FUN. :(
8.20 Chemistry teacher leaves and we set the dinner table, we sit down to eat and... Mom calls
9.00 We finally get to eat.. the food's cold but we manage.
9.45 after a comfortable dinner I clean the kitchen and play a little piano....
Which lands is a 10.28 and I',m finishing my entry.
Quotation for the day:
They hear a noise:
Webb: What was that?
Harm: A pigeon.
Webb: A pigeon?
Harm: It's mating season. And sex is a full contact sport when you're a pigeon.
-JAG
Friday, April 12, 2002
Mad at myself
now I know that all of you have told me that it is human nature, but I'm still angry at myself.
A couple weeks ago... on April 1st actually, I tried out for the solo for Graduation. And after long consideration by the committee, I got it. However, 3 days ago I was called back, because they had rethought my decision, and they asked me to sing with Brooke. I have nothing against Brooke, she's plesent, friendly, and I like her, I was dissapointed though that I would have to sing with her. All my life I have had to sing in duets or in a group, and finally I had been given a chance to sing by myself only to have that oppertunity taken away from me.
Now, that doesn't bother me. What does however is that I am still agry at the committee for having me do this. I'm angry at myself for still being angry and jelous.
Chris says I'm only human and that I should merely let it be, but I can't it bothers me that I still feel this way and that it won't go away.
I guess I just feel like a bad person.
Mulder; "You should get as far away from me as possible, Scully, go and be a doctor, leave me."
Scully: "I can't... I won't... because if I leave now they win."
-Fight the future
A couple weeks ago... on April 1st actually, I tried out for the solo for Graduation. And after long consideration by the committee, I got it. However, 3 days ago I was called back, because they had rethought my decision, and they asked me to sing with Brooke. I have nothing against Brooke, she's plesent, friendly, and I like her, I was dissapointed though that I would have to sing with her. All my life I have had to sing in duets or in a group, and finally I had been given a chance to sing by myself only to have that oppertunity taken away from me.
Now, that doesn't bother me. What does however is that I am still agry at the committee for having me do this. I'm angry at myself for still being angry and jelous.
Chris says I'm only human and that I should merely let it be, but I can't it bothers me that I still feel this way and that it won't go away.
I guess I just feel like a bad person.
Mulder; "You should get as far away from me as possible, Scully, go and be a doctor, leave me."
Scully: "I can't... I won't... because if I leave now they win."
-Fight the future
Thursday, April 11, 2002
John
Hey all, I promised to let you know about Tom. I've been with him for just over two months. Well, two and a half- almost three. You wanted me to tell you a little about him, so I am. Tom's a Canadian, that actually lives next door. I don't know if I told you about the idiot I dated just before december, but suffice to say I got rid of him and started dating his bestfiend. Tom is really an amazing guy. He's in my school (failed IB history and IB chemisry) so he's redoing it. His best subject is Biology, so I help him with his history, and he helps me with my bio... well, for a while, until we get bored and just start making out. ;)
He's also my best friend and my driver and my movie bud, and my positive reinforcement, and my jogging coach/partner. Like I said he's amazing. I fell for him really hard, and next year is gonna be really difficult. He wants to come and live with me in Amsterdam, but I'm not too sure. I'd love to have him, but at the same time I'm scared to. My parent's don't know we're going out. They just think we're study buds and really good friends. They know that I get along with guys more than girls (usually). If they were to find out about Tom, they'd also realise that their little girl isn't so innocent anymore, and I just couldn't do that to them.
Ironic if you really think about it. My parents think I'm gay. LOL. Well, atleast I think that they do. It's a little odd. Here I'm dating the guy of my dreams and my mom thinks I'm lusting over women. I sure laughed when I thought about that. Isn't life ironic. I thought about telling her about Tom for that reason, but I don't know what she would be angry about more... a lesbian, or a non-virinal daughter. So, I decided to just let her be. Eventually she'll find out that I'm not gay and everything will go back to normal.
I'd e-mail you all a picture, but I have as yet to find a scanner. Tom's not the best looking guy, but he's lookable. I love his eyes. SO BLUE and mixed with his dark brown/black hair- irresistable to me. I could just admire him for hours. LOL
What else can I tell you about him? There's not much to say. He's very sports oriented. He's a baseballer and a total Blue Jays fan. He's gotten me hooked on the sport too, and I just love watching him play. I keep the score card while I watch. Don't get along with any of the other girlfriends. They're too airheaded for me. They come to be SEEN, not to watch. It's sad. The other guys on the team and I have such a great time. We go out and have so much fun. I can't drink here cause I'm under-age, but that doesn't stop them from buying it for me when we celebrate a win.
Next week there's actually Girlfrind Day. LOL. The guys are teaching us in the morning how to play baseball... I can't hit a ball for shit! And then they're taking us to see the Jays play. I can't wait! It's gonna be sooo much fun!
Well, It's 1am at the moment, and though I don't have school tomorrow I have to be in my chiropractor's office at 11:30am, and then Tom and I are gonna go out to see Bend it Like Beckham. I've already seen it, but I want to show it to Tom. He so needs to see what my family in Malaysia is like incase he comes with me this summer. Lol, will my grandma get a kick out of him. ;)
well, that's it from over here. If you have more questions ask and I'll post another entry.
Miss you all!
He's also my best friend and my driver and my movie bud, and my positive reinforcement, and my jogging coach/partner. Like I said he's amazing. I fell for him really hard, and next year is gonna be really difficult. He wants to come and live with me in Amsterdam, but I'm not too sure. I'd love to have him, but at the same time I'm scared to. My parent's don't know we're going out. They just think we're study buds and really good friends. They know that I get along with guys more than girls (usually). If they were to find out about Tom, they'd also realise that their little girl isn't so innocent anymore, and I just couldn't do that to them.
Ironic if you really think about it. My parents think I'm gay. LOL. Well, atleast I think that they do. It's a little odd. Here I'm dating the guy of my dreams and my mom thinks I'm lusting over women. I sure laughed when I thought about that. Isn't life ironic. I thought about telling her about Tom for that reason, but I don't know what she would be angry about more... a lesbian, or a non-virinal daughter. So, I decided to just let her be. Eventually she'll find out that I'm not gay and everything will go back to normal.
I'd e-mail you all a picture, but I have as yet to find a scanner. Tom's not the best looking guy, but he's lookable. I love his eyes. SO BLUE and mixed with his dark brown/black hair- irresistable to me. I could just admire him for hours. LOL
What else can I tell you about him? There's not much to say. He's very sports oriented. He's a baseballer and a total Blue Jays fan. He's gotten me hooked on the sport too, and I just love watching him play. I keep the score card while I watch. Don't get along with any of the other girlfriends. They're too airheaded for me. They come to be SEEN, not to watch. It's sad. The other guys on the team and I have such a great time. We go out and have so much fun. I can't drink here cause I'm under-age, but that doesn't stop them from buying it for me when we celebrate a win.
Next week there's actually Girlfrind Day. LOL. The guys are teaching us in the morning how to play baseball... I can't hit a ball for shit! And then they're taking us to see the Jays play. I can't wait! It's gonna be sooo much fun!
Well, It's 1am at the moment, and though I don't have school tomorrow I have to be in my chiropractor's office at 11:30am, and then Tom and I are gonna go out to see Bend it Like Beckham. I've already seen it, but I want to show it to Tom. He so needs to see what my family in Malaysia is like incase he comes with me this summer. Lol, will my grandma get a kick out of him. ;)
well, that's it from over here. If you have more questions ask and I'll post another entry.
Miss you all!
Monday, April 08, 2002
Pastor's Thoughts
I was talking to a couple of friends on-line the other day and we were discussing the definition of a cult. It was interesting to say the least, but I found that I couldn't keep my stand. What does define a cult? Are religions cults? If not, what makes them difference. I've pondered it many times since then, and I still can't put a definition to it.
Cultism has a negative conotation to it. When we think of it, some might think of satanism, the millenium group, the church of signs and wonders, I've even heard Mormanism, and Jehova's witnesses being refered to as cults. However, there are also people out there that refer to any form of foundational belief as a cult: for example Christianity, Judaism, Buddism, Hinduism, Islam.... I was shaken by these thoughts. It's not that I've never heard people refer to Christianity as a cult, it is more that I have never actually sat down to debate it with another person.
I guess, because I now have my diary I can finally write it down and organize my thoughts a little.
What do we see as a cult?
Well, in movies we see sacrifices being preformed, worshipping devils, congiry, a small sect of people that believe in something that is not taken as what the majority think, I guess. Definitions I found for them were:
-A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
-The followers of such a religion or sect.
-A system or community of religious worship and ritual.
The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual.
-A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease.
-Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing.
-The object of such devotion.
-An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest.
A lot of these can be seen in a religion. I've been really unstable as the days go by with respect to my faith. I'm not saying that I belive less, only that I've begun to question what's going on around me.
So, anyway, I talked to a pastor yesteray. (I'm a good church girl. i go and I dan't comment about if I have to or if it's right. Going makes me feel good, so I do. There is no question on if it correct or not. It just is.) Now, Pastor Calhoun and I didn't actually get to get into a lot of my questions and problems, we just merely scratched the surface. He told me that some people do see us as a sect. Not that's it's wrong to us, but to some others it is, Just like we see other groups as being wrong. It's bound to happen that we run across other opinions. He said it's not wrong to question, he actually encouraged it. He said that sometimes the only way we can be stronger believers is if we fall in doubt. I hope that that's the case with me.
I hope this is just a phase I'm going through. It bothers me that I'm questioning my beliefs. It makes me feel uncomfortable in the places that I once was, like church. It throws me off. I feel really off balance.
I guess that's why I wrote that quotation this afternoon: "When you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's Schizophrenia." Not that God's actually talking to me, but I hope I can take the hints he sends ;)
Also, it's not that I'm straying from my religion. It's more along the lines that I need to figure things out, and I guess no one can do that for me. I'll just have to get past it myself.
So I'll leave with another X-files quote for the day:
"I WANT TO BELIEVE"
Mosquito
Cultism has a negative conotation to it. When we think of it, some might think of satanism, the millenium group, the church of signs and wonders, I've even heard Mormanism, and Jehova's witnesses being refered to as cults. However, there are also people out there that refer to any form of foundational belief as a cult: for example Christianity, Judaism, Buddism, Hinduism, Islam.... I was shaken by these thoughts. It's not that I've never heard people refer to Christianity as a cult, it is more that I have never actually sat down to debate it with another person.
I guess, because I now have my diary I can finally write it down and organize my thoughts a little.
What do we see as a cult?
Well, in movies we see sacrifices being preformed, worshipping devils, congiry, a small sect of people that believe in something that is not taken as what the majority think, I guess. Definitions I found for them were:
-A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
-The followers of such a religion or sect.
-A system or community of religious worship and ritual.
The formal means of expressing religious reverence; religious ceremony and ritual.
-A usually nonscientific method or regimen claimed by its originator to have exclusive or exceptional power in curing a particular disease.
-Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion to or veneration for a person, principle, or thing.
-The object of such devotion.
-An exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest.
A lot of these can be seen in a religion. I've been really unstable as the days go by with respect to my faith. I'm not saying that I belive less, only that I've begun to question what's going on around me.
So, anyway, I talked to a pastor yesteray. (I'm a good church girl. i go and I dan't comment about if I have to or if it's right. Going makes me feel good, so I do. There is no question on if it correct or not. It just is.) Now, Pastor Calhoun and I didn't actually get to get into a lot of my questions and problems, we just merely scratched the surface. He told me that some people do see us as a sect. Not that's it's wrong to us, but to some others it is, Just like we see other groups as being wrong. It's bound to happen that we run across other opinions. He said it's not wrong to question, he actually encouraged it. He said that sometimes the only way we can be stronger believers is if we fall in doubt. I hope that that's the case with me.
I hope this is just a phase I'm going through. It bothers me that I'm questioning my beliefs. It makes me feel uncomfortable in the places that I once was, like church. It throws me off. I feel really off balance.
I guess that's why I wrote that quotation this afternoon: "When you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's Schizophrenia." Not that God's actually talking to me, but I hope I can take the hints he sends ;)
Also, it's not that I'm straying from my religion. It's more along the lines that I need to figure things out, and I guess no one can do that for me. I'll just have to get past it myself.
So I'll leave with another X-files quote for the day:
"I WANT TO BELIEVE"
Mosquito
Kicking Myself
Well, I'm kicking myself today, because I didn't get enough sleep... fun fun fun. I have a head ache, my back aches, and my stomach's making all kinds of noises. It's driving me up the wall... beeb beeb beeb... just backing down.. hehehe. Anyway... my English teacher, the great guy that he is -not- just sprung a commentary on us, which I failed. Doesn't it feel great to be an idiot ;)
Only good thing about it is that I now have a half an hour off of my next class... can't argue with that!
Well, there's only 7 more days counting till I have no more school left.
And in a week my grandma will be here. Hora!
I'm so fed up of school. I NEED OUT! somewhere warm, calm, nice, where no one knows me and I am a no body. Like that... I'd probably get lonely though, so scratch that idea.
Well, that's it for now. I'll leave you with aa X-files Quotation:
Mulder: They say that when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's schizophenia. What's your god telling you father?
-All Souls
Kinda reminds me of the conversation I had with my pastor yesterday, but I'll talk about that some other time.
Mosquito
Only good thing about it is that I now have a half an hour off of my next class... can't argue with that!
Well, there's only 7 more days counting till I have no more school left.
And in a week my grandma will be here. Hora!
I'm so fed up of school. I NEED OUT! somewhere warm, calm, nice, where no one knows me and I am a no body. Like that... I'd probably get lonely though, so scratch that idea.
Well, that's it for now. I'll leave you with aa X-files Quotation:
Mulder: They say that when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's schizophenia. What's your god telling you father?
-All Souls
Kinda reminds me of the conversation I had with my pastor yesterday, but I'll talk about that some other time.
Mosquito
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