Hey all, I promised to let you know about J.. I've been with him for just over two months. Well, two and a half- almost three. You wanted me to tell you a little about him, so I am. J.'s a Canadian, that actually lives next door. I don't know if I told you about the idiot I dated just before december, but suffice to say I got rid of him and started dating his bestfiend. J. is really an amazing guy. He's in my school (failed IB history and IB chemisry) so he's redoing it. His best subject is Biology, so I help him with his history, and he helps me with my bio... well, for a while, until we get bored. ;)
He's also my best friend and my driver and my movie bud, and my positive reinforcement, and my jogging coach/partner. Like I said he's amazing. I fell for him really hard, and next year is gonna be really difficult. He wants to come and live with me in Amsterdam, but I'm not too sure. I'd love to have him, but at the same time I'm scared to. My parent's don't know we're going out. They just think we're study buds and really good friends. They know that I get along with guys more than girls (usually). If they were to find out about J., they'd also realise that their little girl isn't so innocent anymore, and I just couldn't do that to them.
Ironic if you really think about it. My parents think I'm gay. LOL. Well, atleast I think that they do. It's a little odd. Here I'm dating the guy of my dreams and my mom thinks I'm lusting over women. I sure laughed when I thought about that. Isn't life ironic. I thought about telling her about J. for that reason, but I don't know what she would be angry about more... a lesbian, or a non-virinal daughter. So, I decided to just let her be. Eventually she'll find out that I'm not gay and everything will go back to normal.
I'd e-mail you all a picture, but I have as yet to find a scanner. J.'s not the best looking guy, but he's lookable. I love his eyes. SO BLUE and mixed with his dark brown/black hair- irresistable to me. I could just admire him for hours. LOL
What else can I tell you about him? There's not much to say. He's very sports oriented. He's a baseballer and a total Blue Jays fan. He's gotten me hooked on the sport too, and I just love watching him play. I keep the score card while I watch. Don't get along with any of the other girlfriends. They're too airheaded for me. They come to be SEEN, not to watch. It's sad. The other guys on the team and I have such a great time. We go out and have so much fun. I can't drink here cause I'm under-age, but that doesn't stop them from buying it for me when we celebrate a win.
Next week there's actually Girlfrind Day. LOL. The guys are teaching us in the morning how to play baseball... I can't hit a ball for shit! And then they're taking us to see the Jays play. I can't wait! It's gonna be sooo much fun!
Well, It's 1am at the moment, and though I don't have school tomorrow I have to be in my chiropractor's office at 11:30am, and then J. and I are gonna go out to see Bend it Like Beckham. I've already seen it, but I want to show it to J.. He so needs to see what my family in Malaysia is like incase he comes with me this summer. Lol, will my grandma get a kick out of him. ;)
well, that's it from over here. If you have more questions ask and I'll post another entry.
Miss you all!
Friday, April 11, 2003
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
life, love, and time
If time would be counted in how many times you enjoy your life, life would be very short. Learning to laugh and smile and breathe in the air around you is a true miracle of this world. Noticing how the leaves on a tree sway with the gentle humming of the breeze. How a lake in all its purity and wonder calls out and dances with the falling rays of the sun. How the fallen particles of dirt run down the worn paths that cover the outskirts of lake.
It you stand long enough in such a silent spot and really listen to the voices of nature you'll find their humming to be mesmerizing and hypnotic. Like you can't get enough, like you're drowning in it's dying sorrow. Softly and tender it tells of times past and long gone by, times of joy and times of affliction, times when minutes stood still as the heart found its way.
In those soft soporific seconds when the clouds vanish from your thoughts and for once in your life you see your path ahead, in those times of complete illumination is when you see your destiny. The destiny that has been prewriten in the sand of times, that calls you by name and knows all about you down to the smallest and darkest secret. To that call in which we answer we shall no longer question or doubt, we shall not be weary or canny. We shall embrace it and hold to our soul that which is real and can be understood, that which says no lies and tells only truth.
That is what we call our soulmate.
The other part of our immortal being that wanders the earth like you, lost and alone, scared and unsure. Looking at every corner for the slightest chance of discovery of self and truth.
To have such a dialogue is to receive the greatest gift possibly given to man. A moment of true and perfect happiness, a moment when there is an internal peace inside of you. Tranquil as the leaves that sway on the tree with the wind, like the lake calls out and dances with the falling rays of the sun, like the fallen particles of dirt than run down worn paths, like that the soul will sing. In unity and perfect harmony, stretching to meet its mate, its lost comrade, its other half.
That moment is called love. Love that sings one verse and rhymes one tune.
There are times in the lapse of time when souls are separated and lost, lost in the warps of time and space, lost by hundreds of human years. In such times the entities must seek alternative measures, measures that guide a fallen soul to its rightful partner.
excerpt from All that Heaven Allows by Isabelle
It you stand long enough in such a silent spot and really listen to the voices of nature you'll find their humming to be mesmerizing and hypnotic. Like you can't get enough, like you're drowning in it's dying sorrow. Softly and tender it tells of times past and long gone by, times of joy and times of affliction, times when minutes stood still as the heart found its way.
In those soft soporific seconds when the clouds vanish from your thoughts and for once in your life you see your path ahead, in those times of complete illumination is when you see your destiny. The destiny that has been prewriten in the sand of times, that calls you by name and knows all about you down to the smallest and darkest secret. To that call in which we answer we shall no longer question or doubt, we shall not be weary or canny. We shall embrace it and hold to our soul that which is real and can be understood, that which says no lies and tells only truth.
That is what we call our soulmate.
The other part of our immortal being that wanders the earth like you, lost and alone, scared and unsure. Looking at every corner for the slightest chance of discovery of self and truth.
To have such a dialogue is to receive the greatest gift possibly given to man. A moment of true and perfect happiness, a moment when there is an internal peace inside of you. Tranquil as the leaves that sway on the tree with the wind, like the lake calls out and dances with the falling rays of the sun, like the fallen particles of dirt than run down worn paths, like that the soul will sing. In unity and perfect harmony, stretching to meet its mate, its lost comrade, its other half.
That moment is called love. Love that sings one verse and rhymes one tune.
There are times in the lapse of time when souls are separated and lost, lost in the warps of time and space, lost by hundreds of human years. In such times the entities must seek alternative measures, measures that guide a fallen soul to its rightful partner.
excerpt from All that Heaven Allows by Isabelle
Friday, January 17, 2003
x-files vs. Buffy The Vampire Slayer
I've been shocking people for weeks now. I can now say that I am no longer addicted to the x-files! Yeah, I know... WOW! It's amazing.
Yes I still collect, but it doesn't run my life as it once did. I've seen every episode...I think.... I own almost all of them anyway. LOL. Now that the show is over I need something else... different, so S., one of my friends here has introduced me to Buffy the vampire slayer. Now, I know what some people think... OMG, how could she ever like something so... YUK! But, actually, buffy has so much more than the x-files ever had, and it's sooooooooo funny. At the moment the episdoes are so good that I sit at the edge of my chair and I get so surprised and taken up by it.
I guess I'm addicted to something again.
You know you're addicted, when you read and write fanfiction, and watch it on tv every time it's on, and you write small commentareies on the characters... LOL
Actually, my next episode is going to contain a commentary about buffy the vampire slayer. I know. You don't have to read it, but it kinda just occured to me the other day. LOL. WHile I was in Biology none the less.
If you've never seen Buffy you'll probably understand little of my rantings, but if you want an explanation just let me know and I'll type something up. LOL
Well, that's it for now... now on the commentary...
Yes I still collect, but it doesn't run my life as it once did. I've seen every episode...I think.... I own almost all of them anyway. LOL. Now that the show is over I need something else... different, so S., one of my friends here has introduced me to Buffy the vampire slayer. Now, I know what some people think... OMG, how could she ever like something so... YUK! But, actually, buffy has so much more than the x-files ever had, and it's sooooooooo funny. At the moment the episdoes are so good that I sit at the edge of my chair and I get so surprised and taken up by it.
I guess I'm addicted to something again.
You know you're addicted, when you read and write fanfiction, and watch it on tv every time it's on, and you write small commentareies on the characters... LOL
Actually, my next episode is going to contain a commentary about buffy the vampire slayer. I know. You don't have to read it, but it kinda just occured to me the other day. LOL. WHile I was in Biology none the less.
If you've never seen Buffy you'll probably understand little of my rantings, but if you want an explanation just let me know and I'll type something up. LOL
Well, that's it for now... now on the commentary...
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Getting Hooked
S.'s gotten me hooked on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The first few seasons were bad, I was actually one of those people who watched the first season when it came out and couldn't stand Angel and Cordy, so I stopped watching. Now I've been watcing it again. It's sooooo much better now, and it has been for a while. It playing catch-up now!
And what I've been liking the most is the Spike/Buffy romance. So, you can imagine what I felt like when Buffy said that it was over because it was killing her... Killing her my ass! She's just scared about the relationship and what others think, for no freaking reason.
She thinks she's too goos for him because she's human and the slayer, but as a female, and a human, I can honestly say that it's the opposite. He's too good for her! and she needs to get her head out of her ass and see that!
Here is a man- A MAN, so what if he's a vampire, he's got male physiology and the same thoughts and emotions. Hell, besides that his heart NO LONGER beats, he is just as foolish as any man in love. Spike is so much like William (His soul) in that way. Besides for the fact that Spike is more reassured and cocky (Probably became that way because of Dru [his sire and mate], atleast she did something right) he's the same as William carring his heart on his sleave.
She doesn't even realise all that he's given up for her. So what if he changed due to the chip in his head, but do they really think that a small piece of technology would change him personality-wize? It's about as changeing as Kartman's swearing chip (southpark movie). The chip inhibits his ablility to feed on humans, hurt them. Yes, he bacame softer. Hell, if your life was built on violence and that was taken away from you you'd be a sass too.
However, no one (except Dawn) cares to look at how he's changed. After the Initiative (a military section that works against evil things) he began helping them: Patroling, research, babysitting even! When Buffy died he was there for Dawn, protecting her and being there for her as much as he could. When Willoe got mixed up in Magiks (Black Magic) and took Dawn with her to see Rack (her supplier) Spike was up and helping Buffy.
However, lets turn it around. Just as soon as Spike needs to be given more credit, he's got a lot to learn too. First of all, the tying Buffy up and saying that he'll let Dru feed on he if she didn't tell him that she loved him- Wrong approach! Maybe he's been undead too long to realise that that's not going to get his love to requite his feelings.
Also, when he realised that the chip didn't go off when he hit Buffy... He beat her up?! What's he thinking? Standing there and telling her that she came back wrong is not the best thing for an insecure little girl. She is afterall a girl compared to him. Buffy's what, 20 years old? Spike's 150 or more..... She should be a child compared to him. Perhaps that's why she can't commit. Spike was with Dru for over a century, commiting himself and breaking down when he found her with the caos demon.
Emptionally he's just prepared for the long haul, whereas she isn't. She loves him though. He needs to be patient, and not to give up.
Buffy needs to learn that people can change. Spike needs to be gentle and wait. He's scared of that though. Noth that he's not willing, but as a Slayer of Slayers, he knows that they are disposable, living only a couple years. He just wants as much time with her as possible, which in my mind is not only understandable, but perhaps the most romantic part of their relationship.
And what I've been liking the most is the Spike/Buffy romance. So, you can imagine what I felt like when Buffy said that it was over because it was killing her... Killing her my ass! She's just scared about the relationship and what others think, for no freaking reason.
She thinks she's too goos for him because she's human and the slayer, but as a female, and a human, I can honestly say that it's the opposite. He's too good for her! and she needs to get her head out of her ass and see that!
Here is a man- A MAN, so what if he's a vampire, he's got male physiology and the same thoughts and emotions. Hell, besides that his heart NO LONGER beats, he is just as foolish as any man in love. Spike is so much like William (His soul) in that way. Besides for the fact that Spike is more reassured and cocky (Probably became that way because of Dru [his sire and mate], atleast she did something right) he's the same as William carring his heart on his sleave.
She doesn't even realise all that he's given up for her. So what if he changed due to the chip in his head, but do they really think that a small piece of technology would change him personality-wize? It's about as changeing as Kartman's swearing chip (southpark movie). The chip inhibits his ablility to feed on humans, hurt them. Yes, he bacame softer. Hell, if your life was built on violence and that was taken away from you you'd be a sass too.
However, no one (except Dawn) cares to look at how he's changed. After the Initiative (a military section that works against evil things) he began helping them: Patroling, research, babysitting even! When Buffy died he was there for Dawn, protecting her and being there for her as much as he could. When Willoe got mixed up in Magiks (Black Magic) and took Dawn with her to see Rack (her supplier) Spike was up and helping Buffy.
However, lets turn it around. Just as soon as Spike needs to be given more credit, he's got a lot to learn too. First of all, the tying Buffy up and saying that he'll let Dru feed on he if she didn't tell him that she loved him- Wrong approach! Maybe he's been undead too long to realise that that's not going to get his love to requite his feelings.
Also, when he realised that the chip didn't go off when he hit Buffy... He beat her up?! What's he thinking? Standing there and telling her that she came back wrong is not the best thing for an insecure little girl. She is afterall a girl compared to him. Buffy's what, 20 years old? Spike's 150 or more..... She should be a child compared to him. Perhaps that's why she can't commit. Spike was with Dru for over a century, commiting himself and breaking down when he found her with the caos demon.
Emptionally he's just prepared for the long haul, whereas she isn't. She loves him though. He needs to be patient, and not to give up.
Buffy needs to learn that people can change. Spike needs to be gentle and wait. He's scared of that though. Noth that he's not willing, but as a Slayer of Slayers, he knows that they are disposable, living only a couple years. He just wants as much time with her as possible, which in my mind is not only understandable, but perhaps the most romantic part of their relationship.
Saturday, January 04, 2003
White
I'm dreaming of a white christmas... just like the ones I used to know... where the tree tops glisten and children listen... to hear sleighbells in the snow....
Well, It was a white christmas, and a white new year, and it's still white, and as beautiful as ever. I there's about ten maybe 15 centimeters of snow, and when I look out the window I think... wow! It's beautiful!
Danielle, a friend from Chicago is coming to visit next week friday for 4 days. Then Eric Belmont will be here for days the begining of febuary! I haven't seen him since... 10th grade when he came to visit. Eric, Jan B. and I were best friends in 9th grade at AAS. It feels like yesterday when the two of us were sitting around worring about Jan and what he'd been doing to himself.
He's in for a surprise when he sees that Jan has changed. LOL! I can't wait to see his reaction!
I wonder what Mom will think of him. It's been a while and she doesn't remember what he looks like. Hell, I barely remember what he looked like in tenth grade, much less imagine what he's like now!
lol... life's good for now!
ttyl
Well, It was a white christmas, and a white new year, and it's still white, and as beautiful as ever. I there's about ten maybe 15 centimeters of snow, and when I look out the window I think... wow! It's beautiful!
Danielle, a friend from Chicago is coming to visit next week friday for 4 days. Then Eric Belmont will be here for days the begining of febuary! I haven't seen him since... 10th grade when he came to visit. Eric, Jan B. and I were best friends in 9th grade at AAS. It feels like yesterday when the two of us were sitting around worring about Jan and what he'd been doing to himself.
He's in for a surprise when he sees that Jan has changed. LOL! I can't wait to see his reaction!
I wonder what Mom will think of him. It's been a while and she doesn't remember what he looks like. Hell, I barely remember what he looked like in tenth grade, much less imagine what he's like now!
lol... life's good for now!
ttyl
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